Samuel Thomas
October 23, 2025
This article featured in our Third Quarter Newsletter of 2025
What we live each day, welcoming, affirming, sharing life together, is badly needed today in our deeply divided society. Why? Because drawing close to and recognizing the gifts of those who are different from us, transforms us and builds a sense of belonging.
Although judging people from a distance may help keep our ideology alive, drawing close to each other gives us a chance to keep our humanity alive. Core members are way ahead of most of us in welcoming and drawing close to others regardless of race, religion, political affiliation, status, and all the other ways we build walls of separation and denigrate the other.
Two government inspectors who have spent their careers reviewing provider homes in CNY told me separately that if they had a family member in need of a home, they would want that family member to come to L’Arche. When I asked why, they both gave the same answer. Because L’Arche is not an institution, but a home and a family, not a bunch of distant professional relationships between the server and the served, but loving relationships in which the barriers between those with and without disabilities are lowered.
Recognizing everyone’s contribution to the community, those employed and those not employed by the community, creates an atmosphere of partnership and collaboration, and begins to level the playing field so that everyone feels empowered. When you constantly do things for others, you prevent them from developing their own skills, confidence and independence. The person doing the work can experience burnout or resentment over time, especially if their efforts aren’t acknowledged or appreciated.
“Doing with” empowers and builds the capacity of all involved. When everyone is engaged, there is shared ownership in the outcome which strengthens commitment and motivation. “Doing with” operates on a foundation of mutual respect and acknowledges the inherent worth and contribution of everyone involved.
While sharing time at Croyden recently, I told Patty I was going outside to trim branches that were up against the house. I didn’t ask her to join me because I wasn’t sure what she could do. She didn’t miss a beat and said, “John, I am coming with you.” So we walked out together and she sat on the wall next to where
I was cutting bushes and trees and she pulled weeds. We bonded talking and working together, while making the property more attractive. Her quiet presence calmed me and her dedication to work inspired me. She taught me again how “being with” and “doing with”, trumps the alternative.